Installation view of 《Time Trial》 © Cheongju Art Studio

During middle and high school, games were my only escape from a suffocating reality. I think this was because they allowed me to forget that I was passing through a tunnel with no visible end. Looking back now, I do not know why I felt so pressured and stifled, but I think that every night as I fell asleep, I thought, “What if I ended my life?”

I do not know whether everyone goes through that period in the same way, but for me it was a very painful time. Every night I suffered from sleep paralysis and nightmares, and I got through each day with the help of alcohol.

Then I began playing online games. And I became addicted. Looking back now, I think it was because I could feel a strong sense of achievement in a short amount of time. But the satisfaction that came from the easy growth of a character in the beginning quickly ended, and I gradually came to spend more and more time on simple repetitive actions, what is called grinding.

This was because only then could I obtain good items and make my character grow. In a world where one can expect and experience clear results according to fixed settings, the sense of achievement and satisfaction gained through the repetition of identical patterns gradually pushes the player further away from reality. The system of competition also makes one plant one’s feet more firmly in the online world.

If the time I invest decreases by five or ten minutes, it becomes clearly visible that I am falling behind in that world. In this way, one becomes trapped online, carrying out repetitive labor detached from reality.

Installation view of 《Time Trial》 © Cheongju Art Studio

The emotions I feel while working are similar to this experience. When I spend a certain amount of time working, the expected result is clear and predictable. The repetitive actions of a fixed pattern also visibly accumulate, like obtaining items one by one.

The resulting image may be said to belong to the real world, but it can also become a window through which one looks into a virtual world rather than reality. In a bleak and frightening world, I am making another small world and playing inside it.

People ask me whether working has an aspect of seeking the Way or of spiritual practice. But people do not ask those absorbed in games whether they are pursuing something spiritual or practicing ascetic discipline in search of enlightenment.

They are often called game addicts, regarded as people who have lost their sense of reality and become submerged in the system of a virtual world, and looked upon as objects to be rescued. Yet players experience in online spaces the satisfaction they cannot experience in reality, and live within that world.

For me, the act of working is like playing a game. It is an addiction to a world detached from reality, where I set certain rules and move toward a result that I can vaguely expect. — Pyoun Daesik

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